


please don't

by einsKai



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa 3: The End of 希望ヶ峰学園 | The End of Kibougamine Gakuen | End of Hope's Peak High School
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Car driving, Crying, F/M, Jealousy, K.will's please don't inspired this, M/M, Marriage, Sad, Sad Ending, Unrequited Love, seriously there's no happy ending here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-06-12 13:40:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15341049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/einsKai/pseuds/einsKai
Summary: Why isn't it him?





	please don't

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired because my wonderful friend [Kaede](https://twitter.com/TrashKayday) sent me this [video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?reload=9&v=PdUiCJnRptk) and told me that it was so Juzo and you know what - she was right!
> 
> So welcome to my fic (for her) that was inspired by K.Will's "please don't".
> 
> Kaede also drew the [picture](https://twitter.com/TrashKayday/status/1015352094184955904) at the end, so go appreciate that too!
> 
> And now have fun reading, even though the story isn't all that fun.

The street is almost vacant of cars, Juzo is the only driver around this night.  
His companion who sits next to him in the passenger seat is facing forward onto the road, smiling lightly. They don’t talk. There’s nothing they could talk about that wouldn’t hurt Juzo or Chisa or Kyousuke.

The streetlights remind him of the decorations of the wedding, all the glaring lights and the buzz of the guests conversing.  
Chisa had looked wonderful in that dress.

Juzo wishes he had told her honestly.

_Chisa is sitting on the stairs with Juzo. They’re waiting for Kyousuke, he should get home from work soon and Juzo can’t wait for him to come home, because…_

_His friend demands his attention by teasing him. Her words are mean, but her tone isn’t and her hands caress his face, gentle but with determination. Pinching, tweaking, twisting – it’s more than Juzo can handle._

His companion reaches out to touch him, like Chisa did on the stairs. He pushes the hands away, even though he’d love their touch, he _knows_ that he’d enjoy it too much and that he can’t let it happen because if he lets those hands touch him one more time he would be too far gone and could never, ever return-

 

 _Juzo pushes Chisa away. He gets mad. He tells her to stop. He doesn’t want her to touch him and maybe, by some supernatural reason to_ notice _, notice those feelings, growing inside of him._

_Her sharp nature and perception could notice, he thinks, so he pushes her away._

The hand doesn’t stop. He keeps it away, somehow. Juzo is driving after all; he can’t let anything distract him now.

 

_Finally Kyousuke comes home. The front door opens and falls shut and Juzo breathes in to not show his previous outburst on his face. Chisa laughs and runs towards Kyousuke, who greets her enthusiastically. She hides behind him, so he can protect the poor, innocent Chisa from the big, bad Juzo._

_Juzo takes a step back. He can’t physically argue with Munakata Kyousuke. Not happening. Never._

The passenger seat grows quiet; the attempts to touch him finally stop.

Juzo can concentrate on driving again.

 

_Chisa is telling Kyousuke about her day and how she spent the time waiting with Juzo. Her hands gesticulate too much and Juzo feels his head hurt, when she sugarcoats the touching of his face she just did. He wants to glare and snarl at her, but Kyousuke is looking, so Juzo smiles, hides his feelings._

_For twenty seconds he is able to do so, then his true feelings slip out. Behind Kyousuke’s back that is hiding Chisa he glares at the happy couple._

_Why isn’t it him?_

Juzo punches the steering wheel and he almost hits the car’s horn. He isn’t sure if he wants to hit it, wants the sound to rip the darkness to shreds.  
Yet he doesn’t want to disturb anyone, so he stops his hand before it can press the button.

Frustration numbs his limbs when he grabs the steering wheel with both hands again, the worn fake leather of the old, well-used car against his hands, it numbs him like the inability to do anything had before.

He hates this, he hates his situation, he hates the world, he hates himself..!

 

_Juzo walks in on Chisa and Kyousuke hugging, or dancing, or cuddling while standing up – Juzo doesn’t know and he sure doesn’t want to know._

_He is on the stairs, on his way down to the kitchen, to get some water when he stops mid-step._

_Their moment will be interrupted if he goes any further, the sensuality will be ruined by him, their friend._

_For a moment he considers doing it, out of spite. Nothing big is going to happen if he takes this next step. They’ll just continue elsewhere, at another time._

_But Juzo can’t do it. He can’t destroy their happiness._

_This is the worst thing about this ordeal._

_If he could just_ hate _that relationship with all of his heart everything would be so much easier – but they’re both Juzo’s friends. He likes them. He wants them to be happy._

 _And if they’re happy with each other and it leaves Juzo feeling like_ this, _then that’s okay, isn’t it?_

There’s a burn behind Juzo’s eyes and he desperately tries to hold the tears in. He is a grown man and he will not cry in a damn car far after midnight on a lonely street-

 

 _Juzo turns around, leaves the stairs behind with a last look back, wishing that this was_ him _and wishing he had the guts to go downstairs and interrupt them, hoping that they’d turn around and notice him after all..._

_He hides his head in his hands and slides down against a wall._

_He can’t go on like this._

_Chisa and Kyousuke are sitting on their sofa in their living room._

_It has become theirs after Chisa moved in with Kyousuke._

_She has moved into the room that Juzo had been using most days when he was too tired to drive home from training and crashed at Kyousuke’s place instead. It had basically been his room already; he slept there more often than at home._

_Well, not anymore. It’s Chisa’s room now._

There are more lights when Juzo drives closer to the city again. The pointless rounds he has been driving around and around the city are becoming tiring, but Juzo has no intention to stop. Not yet.

His companion looks over at him, the expression calculating and Juzo feels like he felt on those stairs with Chisa seeing right through him.

There’s suspicion, disgust and thoughtfulness in the look and Juzo _hurts_ , his stomach is killing him under those looks and the actual physical reaction of being looked at like _this_ by someone he loves so much, _so much_ -

 

_Juzo sits down on an armchair and looks over at the couple. They look happy, as always. Juzo can’t believe that a couple could actually look this happy all the time, but they do and there isn’t anything wrong about their happiness, so why is Juzo overthinking this again?_

_Chisa laughs and whispers something into Kyousuke’s ear, something that Juzo isn’t allowed to hear and the couple laughs at their own private joke, lost in their own world._

_As if just noticing him Chisa looks at him and holds her hand up._

_A silver band with a single stone decorates her finger. A ring._

_Juzo smiles. It looks good on her, but why is she showing the ring to him, it’s just a ring, isn’t it-_

_Kyousuke shows his hand too, a similar ring on his finger._

_Engagement._

_Juzo runs away after he tells them he is happy for them._

_He wishes he could be more honest when saying those words._

_“I’m happy for you”, he whispers to himself, but doesn’t mean it._

_He imagines a different world, a ring on his finger and that voice telling him ‘I’m happy for you two’ and he feels disgusted at himself because it makes him feel better._

_Juzo wants to kill his feelings, cut them out of his chest and get rid of them forever, but the world doesn’t work that way and all he can do is continue to hate himself with a passion._

_It’s the day of the wedding. Juzo is wearing his best, and only, suit that he and Kyousuke picked out together years ago, and he’s watching Kyousuke._

_Peeking out behind a corner he watches as Kyousuke greets guest after guest._

_It's bad luck for the groom to see the bride in her wedding dress before the ceremony, Juzo thinks and waits to be seen._

The street curves again, the car follows the guarding rail obediently.

 

_Behind him a voice calls out to him. He turns around to see Chisa in her wedding dress. She looks beautiful and Juzo feels happy to see her beaming like this._

_A look over his shoulder confirms that Kyousuke is still greeting guests and Juzo takes a step towards the stairs where Chisa is waving at him, takes a step away from Kyousuke._

Juzo looks to the side and eyes his companion. He hopes that all the feelings he has can be conveyed with this one look.

Desperation. Self-hate. Happiness. Friendship. Love.

 

_Chisa looks great in that dress and she knows it. She turns and lets the skirt flutter._

_The ring on her hand that she proudly shows is the same she wore in the living room, when they told him about their engagement._

_Juzo flashes her a thumbs-up and hopes it doesn’t look as halfhearted as it feels._

Breathing is becoming harder and the walls of the car feel like they’re closing in on him.

Juzo doesn’t want to cry, he can’t cry, not here, not in the car, not ever, he doesn’t even deserve to cry, why should he be able to express any of his feelings, when the one that causes his misery, the one that ruins everything for him is so, so shameful?

 

_“I’m happy for you.”_

_He isn’t happy._

He screams. He punches the dashboard, only to flinch back in pain when his knuckles burn from the impact.

Ah, he remembers, he isn’t wearing boxing gloves; he can’t just go all out on his car.

He screams again, as if he is in pain.

He _is_ in pain.

 

_Two hands. They’re touching, softly, gently. Both are wearing a ring._

Juzo’s hands are still quivering but even so he manages to pull something from his breast pocket.

 

 _Kyousuke and Chisa are still the same, even on their wedding day. It’s sickeningly sweet and adorable and Juzo wants to smile with them, but at the same time he wants to be_ there _at the end of the aisle and smile for his own happiness, so he turns away._

The scream erupting from Juzo’s throat is the last one.

He stops the car abruptly and looks to the side.

 

_Chisa smiles so brightly during the ceremony. Juzo has never seen her look that happy before, even though she is always happy._

_He tries to smile too. He really tries._

With his fingers reaching up to his temples to rub them, to somehow ease his frustration and anger and sadness Juzo stays in the car.

The silence after his screams is deafening.

 

_Are weddings supposed to hurt so much?_

_Why did they ask him to be their best man?_

_Has really nobody noticed how unhappy he is? Is that good or does he want them to notice?_

_Kyousuke is probably counting the steps Chisa is taking down the aisle right now._

Like a shadow of her true self Chisa sits in the car next to him. _(Or does she?)_

 

_The vows are being exchanged. Juzo wishes he could close his ears and ignore that this day ever happened, so he can move on and continue to live his life with his unrequited love, but at least a little hope in his heart._

_“I do”, and the last spark of hope is extinguished, erased from existence._

Juzo reaches over to touch – to apologize, to do something, anything, to not lose her-

 

_Two hands. They’re touching, softly, gently. Both are wearing a ring._

 

But before he can reach her she is gone, a fraction of his imagination, disappears with a single touch.

 

_Kyousuke puts a ring on Chisa and Juzo almost doubles over from the physical pain he is feeling._

_He should be relieved. It’s completely out of his reach now. He should move on already._

_But he can’t._

Juzo stares into the dark, empty car that has been empty this whole time.

Just who has he really imagined driving with?

Juzo knows and he doesn’t like it.

 

 _“You may now kiss the bride”, and Kyousuke does, he_ does _and Juzo_ hurts _, wishes this was him, he wants to stand there, he wants to kiss-_

_He swallows drily to get rid of the pain, of the feelings, of everything._

Juzo stares at the photo he carried in his pocket.

He is standing next to Chisa and Kyousuke on their wedding, looking as out of place as he felt, next to his married friends.

The urge to cry overcomes him again and he bites his finger to stop it, stop the tears from leaking out.

 

_Kyousuke looks so happy on his wedding day and Juzo feels sorry for his jealousy._

_He looks good in this suit, even though it isn’t that different from what he usually wears. Kyousuke always looks good and Juzo knows because he is always watching him. Like he is now._

He can’t stop the tears anymore and everything blurs, the car, the photo, his hands – he just hopes that the photo doesn’t get wet.

With quivering hands Juzo strokes the photo, caresses Chisa’s face, sorry, he is so sorry, so sorry, rests on Kyousuke’s face, the smile frozen forever on this photo is too beautiful, the both of them are so happy in this, why are _they_ allowed to be so happy?

Maybe if he destroys the photo it will rip their relationship and their happiness too – he stops the thought and considers punching himself for wishing bad luck on his friends.

A new wave of pain hits him and the tears are flowing again. He has never cried like this, but it doesn’t feel liberating at all, not like crying _should_ be. He only feels worse.

Another look at the photograph and Juzo snaps. He can’t handle the loving couple in the picture, not if he isn’t part of it.

He rips the photo in half.

 

_Juzo flees to the roof terrace so he doesn’t have to lie to people how happy he is for his friends._

_He is overlooking the party and contemplating his life choices when Kyousuke finds him. Of course Kyousuke does. There’s nobody who knows him better than Kyousuke after all._

_Kyousuke stands next to him for a long, agonizing second and Juzo feels like he’s trying to comfort him, even though he has no idea why Juzo is feeling like this, at least he shouldn’t have an idea. He also shouldn’t have a glimpse of the range of emotions and the intensity of them that Juzo is feeling._

_So why is he comforting him silently?_

_Suddenly Kyousuke speaks, tells him that Chisa wants the three of them to take a photo and grabs Juzo’s wrist. When Juzo trails after Kyousuke he feels like they’re holding hands._

_Lost in that fantasy Juzo follows Kyousuke for the moment and wishes it would go on for an eternity._

_They take the photo, Chisa pulls him close and he does his best to look acceptable on the picture – he wants them to have the picture later, they’re friends after all and he’s happy for them, he wants to show that._

_It doesn’t really work._

Juzo and Kyousuke on their wedding.

This is what the picture depicts when Juzo hides Chisa under the ripped side of the photo.

Just Juzo and Kyousuke, like in the car, Kyousuke belongs with him here, right now.

But not really.

No matter how much Juzo loves Kyousuke, Kyousuke loves Chisa and there’s nothing Juzo can do about it.

Still.

It should have been their wedding.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it!
> 
> Boy, I could write a ten page long essay about this video now, I watched it so often xD
> 
> Thank you for reading, consider leaving a comment, they keep me alive.
> 
> \- Kai


End file.
